For those of us who celebrate, Christmas can be one of the most exciting times of year.

Family get togethers, eating too much, multiple presents, and an all-round jolly time.

But for children living in the care system, whether that be fostering or residential, it can serve as a hugely stressful time, one that is constantly triggering.

For some of those children or young people in your care, this might be the first time experiencing Christmas in a safe, nurturing environment and that can be overwhelming. Whilst exchanging gifts can be a sign of love, for children or young people who have never experienced it, it can be overwhelming.

It may serve as a reminder they’re not with their family, they may see it as suspicious and as a pretence of rejection that they’ve become accustomed to expecting. Throw in meeting new family members, who those in your care may see as strangers, eating meals they may be unaccustomed to, and taking part in traditions that are alien to them, would understandably make it hard for anyone to feel comfortable, let alone those suffering from trauma.

And that’s just the day itself.

The build up to Christmas is just as busy, and unnatural to some of those in care.

There’s the relentless expectation. There’s the pressure of which part they’ll get in school plays, the nerves that come with performing those plays, the normal food shop becomes filled with double the amount of people, the shops are playing music, they’re providing food tasters that create different smells, everyone’s talking about their plans, routines are disrupted.

All of which act as additional stimuli on an already stressful time of year.

Those supporting children and young people in care need to expect, and accept, that there will be some pushing of boundaries, occasional outbursts or other challenging behaviour because of additional triggers.

It’s important to remember how alien the idea of Christmas, and all that brings, can feel to those in our care. We must be led by them. If they need space, let them have it.

Moving into a fostering or residential setting is a huge adjustment, adding extra pressure by expecting everything to go to plan will only serve to make it harder.  

For our foster parents, foster children, and foster young adults – it’s okay if not everything is perfect.